weekly write up 5/19/2024
May. 19th, 2024 06:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trainerlyratherapist suggested i start keeping a journal again and what better way to do it then the exact way i did on LJ as a kid lmao.
monday-
fairly boring day. mostly just struggled with the idea of eating lunch lol. started a new exercise video and it was very grueling on me which i suppose is the point? but it's hard to think like that haha. i've been really struggling with the old ED though with all this free time from unemployment lol which i think was the main reason therapist wanted me to journal again... plus the day before was mother's day which always brings up unpleasant feelings. but nothing really interesting here.
tuesday-
went out for a hike/walk thing with kyle, jori, will & his brother doug. it's hard to be around doug because he's a really awkward person and i don't know him well lol. he's just very insecure and has to have an opinion on everything anyone says which can be weird, but jori and will got along well which is good. more importantly jason came over after work to join them at our place and he of course stayed extra with me hehe. i love him.
wednesday-
boring day again. mostly read and wrote a bit. REALLY struggled with body image that day though. lots of bad thoughts and couldn't really get dressed or anything out of pajamas. wish i didn't have so much time with my thoughts? but what can you do. kyle slept a lot, he's been really tired lately. cigarette cravings really bad today bc neighbor was outside while i was doing laundry. getting very sick of it lmao. oh i DID get my doujinshi order, translated one for my reading pleasure. was very nice to get. i think i'm only missing a shugo chara/amuto doujinshi now for my top ten ships? and i got a few of the newer seisub ones from the fan event last year.
thursday-
jason day! finally finished out x/1999 with him & kyle which was a lot of fun. i still am not a fan of the anime ending all these years later lmao but it's okay. at least it IS an ending. jason and kyle really enjoyed the anime overall which was good. you know jason loves something when he rants about it a lot he is a perfectionist lol. he stayed up late with me for awhile which was nice. i love talking with him. we got chipotle for dinner and i only ate half of my quesadilla. which. isn't great lol
friday-
kyle and i went out for late night fries which was really nice. love a good fries. of course i immediately felt bad about eating them but what can you do lol. also did the new exercise routine since my legs were feeling better after the hike. mostly today my thoughts were frustratingly on the fact that i feel like i am making no progress mentally. i know the kind of deep seated trauma i have can take years to unpack but i feel like it's been a year and nothing has changed. kyle disagrees but he's a biased party lmao.
saturday-
he was out all day mostly with will & some friends from their discord who were in boston for family reasons. he offered to have me come along bc it was mostly driving around boston, bar hopping, and getting late dinner but i wasn't feeling up for it with people i didn't know lol. so instead i wrote a lot, and edited a birthday part. also mildly freaked out about still not having plans for after the wedding in germany but it's fine really. we'll figure it out lol. finished my princess tutu rewatch and started my xxxholic rewatch, which is good. i may be the sole person who likes the xxxholic anime but that's fine i'm okay with this.
sunday-
brings us to today. woke up at my normal time but woke up with a horrible migraine that took 3 hours off my lifespan so i didn't actually look at anything other than the wall until 10:30 OTL. made pasta salad but burnt my left forearm something fierce because i am uncoordinated normally but worse after a migraine lmao. unfortunately it's exactly where i used to self harm so not only does it hurt extra bc the area is all scar tissue but brain was like "hey i remember this one" which is never a good sign. kyle's getting me bubble tea so maybe that will help.
hopes for coming week-
monday-
fairly boring day. mostly just struggled with the idea of eating lunch lol. started a new exercise video and it was very grueling on me which i suppose is the point? but it's hard to think like that haha. i've been really struggling with the old ED though with all this free time from unemployment lol which i think was the main reason therapist wanted me to journal again... plus the day before was mother's day which always brings up unpleasant feelings. but nothing really interesting here.
tuesday-
went out for a hike/walk thing with kyle, jori, will & his brother doug. it's hard to be around doug because he's a really awkward person and i don't know him well lol. he's just very insecure and has to have an opinion on everything anyone says which can be weird, but jori and will got along well which is good. more importantly jason came over after work to join them at our place and he of course stayed extra with me hehe. i love him.
wednesday-
boring day again. mostly read and wrote a bit. REALLY struggled with body image that day though. lots of bad thoughts and couldn't really get dressed or anything out of pajamas. wish i didn't have so much time with my thoughts? but what can you do. kyle slept a lot, he's been really tired lately. cigarette cravings really bad today bc neighbor was outside while i was doing laundry. getting very sick of it lmao. oh i DID get my doujinshi order, translated one for my reading pleasure. was very nice to get. i think i'm only missing a shugo chara/amuto doujinshi now for my top ten ships? and i got a few of the newer seisub ones from the fan event last year.
thursday-
jason day! finally finished out x/1999 with him & kyle which was a lot of fun. i still am not a fan of the anime ending all these years later lmao but it's okay. at least it IS an ending. jason and kyle really enjoyed the anime overall which was good. you know jason loves something when he rants about it a lot he is a perfectionist lol. he stayed up late with me for awhile which was nice. i love talking with him. we got chipotle for dinner and i only ate half of my quesadilla. which. isn't great lol
friday-
kyle and i went out for late night fries which was really nice. love a good fries. of course i immediately felt bad about eating them but what can you do lol. also did the new exercise routine since my legs were feeling better after the hike. mostly today my thoughts were frustratingly on the fact that i feel like i am making no progress mentally. i know the kind of deep seated trauma i have can take years to unpack but i feel like it's been a year and nothing has changed. kyle disagrees but he's a biased party lmao.
saturday-
he was out all day mostly with will & some friends from their discord who were in boston for family reasons. he offered to have me come along bc it was mostly driving around boston, bar hopping, and getting late dinner but i wasn't feeling up for it with people i didn't know lol. so instead i wrote a lot, and edited a birthday part. also mildly freaked out about still not having plans for after the wedding in germany but it's fine really. we'll figure it out lol. finished my princess tutu rewatch and started my xxxholic rewatch, which is good. i may be the sole person who likes the xxxholic anime but that's fine i'm okay with this.
sunday-
brings us to today. woke up at my normal time but woke up with a horrible migraine that took 3 hours off my lifespan so i didn't actually look at anything other than the wall until 10:30 OTL. made pasta salad but burnt my left forearm something fierce because i am uncoordinated normally but worse after a migraine lmao. unfortunately it's exactly where i used to self harm so not only does it hurt extra bc the area is all scar tissue but brain was like "hey i remember this one" which is never a good sign. kyle's getting me bubble tea so maybe that will help.
hopes for coming week-
- finish germany planning. considering we leave the 28th....
- order the last things for germany trip as well (liquids bag etc)
- finish up/post orv star wars au chapter 5
- work on one of my wips that i haven't touched in a minute
- eat lunch at least 3 days this week
- move around more so the new exercise routine doesn't take me tf out every time i do it lmao
