but it wasn't over

Content notes: There are a few moments of self-pity in here :D I don't like being negative in general, but I thought I'd be honest about things, both for myself and for my future self who will totally be over it, yet able to remember what it was like not to be that cool, thanks to this post XD

I've written quite a few fics in tiny fandom-of-ones before, sometimes even for manga that didn't have a translation available anywhere so really no hope of finding fellow fans :D And I enjoy it, like, finishing a book, seeing there's no fics for your particular vision (or at all!), scribbling and dropping one, and then huuuh sometimes nothing because it was just about two background characters that deeply intrigued me and apparently only me. Or sometimes, maybe once a year, getting a comment like "I just finished reading the book and I'm so glad someone shared the same vision!" -- that feels sooo good :D Like having left a little treasure out there for someone else to find. (It's what I imagine geocaching is like??) And it's happened to me in the reverse so many times, too! Bless you yuletide folks in particular, for unknowingly having had my back so often!

( Writing for a tiny fandom and then staying there, however, feels very different )

( 'Write for yourself first' - sure! Why share, though? )

( K-9 canon aside, because it's been too long. But also the additional weight of not having folks to discuss canon with )

Which brings us to, coping mechanisms! Haha. ...You know, I spent actual time searching for how people do it, heh, when it started becoming harder. Here's what I found people do:

1. Keep writing, stop posting
2. Rope more people into the fandom
3. Get into a bigger fandom in parallel -- the bigger the better!
4. Mindset change: posting to connect vs posting to archive / connect quietly
5. Wait to post so there is less attachment to the story
6. RP being someone who doesn't care like you wish you were

( I think I've basically done all of these 🤔 )

This got so long again XD XD I'm adding headers! But also, now, with the important question!!

Beloved tiny fandom and fandom-of-one writers and creators out there, how do you do it? And how do you keep it up? How do you manage the psychology of it? Do you have down moments regardless of the joy of it, and how do you handle those?? Clearly I do suck at it, so I'm all ears! It'd be cool to reduce the amount of non-joy as I go back to my gigantic file of K-9 ideas and throw them into the cauldron, eventually... :D Any coping mechanism to add to the list? And I think this all probably applies to podficcers and icon makers too, who tend to navigate smaller circles. How do you sustain it?? Please allow me to learn your secrets :D

Community Thursday challenge: every Thursday, try to make an effort to engage with a community on Dreamwidth, whether that's posting, commenting, promoting, etc.

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Over the last week...

Posted and commented on bnha_fans. Vigilantes Season 2 just concluded!

Promoted jjba.

Signal boosting:

• Via followfriday, artistalley is a new comm for the convention artist community to share event news, ideas, and more.

Get Your Words Out has pretty flexible and generous guidelines on "what counts" when choosing a word count pledge. My brain, however, doesn't count the same way. (I started by writing "unfortunately" instead of "however" but got stuck on the word -- I don't particularly think it's a bad thing! It just is a thing.)

When I first joined GYWO, I was already writing just about everyday and tracking "streak" with 4thewords. I was more interested in finding out how many "story words" I could write in a year, and challenge myself there. I still am... but recently, I'm also discovering the ways in which this works against me, too. For example, I HATE deleting stuff in general, but according to my way of counting words, if it's deleted or rewritten from scratch, then it shouldn't "count" because I have nothing to show for it at the end of the year. As of this January, I tentatively started counting deleted words in that I shelved the first version of the Leopard/Tree K-9 fic in January (1.2k words) because it came out with the same frustrating "flatness" issue I mentioned a few times recently. The second version I wrote in February ended up at 7.5k words and I'm a lot happier with it! In terms of content it's not that different, in the end, but it's (clearly!) expressed very differently, with a lot more emotion too, much more satisfying to me. I guess the first version could be considered a "Draft Zero" in a way; I was telling the story to myself and figuring out the broad strokes. I broke it down very differently in the second version, which I only could do once I knew where I was going. I'm vaguely tempted to write yet another version with (craft) stuff I've learnt recently, but we'll have to see about that!! I haven't even finished editing the new version, yet.

Another way I noticed my way of counting words works against me is in prep time. I (joyfully!) use the snowflake method, and so far that's meant "plot plot plot OMG SO EXCITED I'M JUMPING IN" which is fine, like, I wanted to see if I could finish long things. But having to do another set of structural changes after 3 rounds of editing and beta-reader feedback on the cursed witch was so painful, I know I should spend more time in the planning stages... but between "excitement for the story" and "nothing really 'counts' until I start writing actual story words", it tends to push me toward starting the writing asap (even though a snowflake outline is veeeery many words by the time it's done!). And likewise, I have written <500 "story words" this month, but I wrote a post-draft outline for the soul thief, then spent EXTENSIVE time planning all the structural changes I want to make, to the point where my new outline stands at about 10k words now. Grew from 30 scenes to nearly 50. And that doesn't include any of the analysis/brainstorming I did as prep writing by hand.

At first, I tried measuring "time" because as annoying as tracking can be, I've been finding that very helpful for understanding the amount of effort editing takes. I don't like that at all for plotting/brainstorming though, because it's "thinking" and that's less predictable or tangible. I think counting the snowflake and outline words could work decently, though, or is worth a try at least. But I don't really want to add those words into my GYWO pledge, I think, even though that would mean I met my monthly goal... Hm... HMMMMMMMMMMM... Hm!!

Okay. I think I would like to track the planning word counts on my spreadsheet, but separately from my "story words" (no idea what that's gonna look like, yet!). I'm not changing what I'm counting for GYWO this year, because I signed up with a particular way of counting in mind. I'll see how I feel about it when pledging for next year opens in December. Right now, I'm leaning toward still pledging only for "story words" going forward because, for me, that's what I'm interested in challenging myself to write more of. If I finished a year with only planning words, I would be massively disappointed.

But, if I notice that counting planning/plotting separately means I still get antsy and rush too early into writing "words that actually count" then I will have to reconsider.

I'm really hoping the amount of planning I'm making ahead of revising the soul thief will result in a lot less pain than the cursed witch revisions turned into, but we shall have to see. I'm excited about it, too! And of course, daunted as well :D /o\

Community Thursday challenge: every Thursday, try to make an effort to engage with a community on Dreamwidth, whether that's posting, commenting, promoting, etc.

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Over the last week...

Posted and commented on bnha_fans.

Commented on journalsandplanners.

Commented on addme_fandom.

Posted on getyourwordsout.

Promoted anime_manga, bnha_fans, c_ent, booknook.

Signal boosts:

• Via dw_community_promo, latam is a new multilingual comm centered on Latinx culture!
• Folks asking for CSS help on ao3_skins, for the CSS-minded people out there who weren't aware of that comm :D (although I think the latest post might have been deleted since I saw it 🤔 but for next time!!)