life and death

[trainerlyra]

title: life and death
date written: nov 16th, 2015
ship: alain/serena
notes: this is part of a series of shortish oneshots that mostly go in place somewhere after TSME and during XY&Z. it was written while everything was airing of course. the series mostly revolves around alan & serena ending up traveling together for a short time. their relationship is a large part of the series, but the endgame ships are marisson, poke, and geekchic. i'll slowly post these in order and fix them up once they're all posted, and eventually i'll port them all to ao3 (and link that here, too). these interconnected drabbles were also written very out of order, so the dates written might look strange.

other notes: these oneshots were also all based on prompts to tell the story. this prompt was "i'm not cut out for this". additionally, there was supposed to be a fic in between the last and this according to my outline, so i should probably write that at some point lol


..

It was late, and everything seemed so far away. Serena wondered after her friends -- how are Ash and the gang? Has Citron's Chespin evolved? Did Ash win his eighth badge yet? -- and of course, looming over her and her traveling companion, would her Ampharos ever be able to Mega Evolve?

She turned over in her sleeping bag, staring at the purple wall of her tent. Was it that the two of them weren't connected enough? Serena didn't think that was it; she'd raised Ampharos from a Mareep, after all. The two of them had worked hard along with all her other Pokemon to be the best performers and battlers you could be. In all honesty, she felt she understood Ampharos well.

So why couldn't she Mega Evolve?

She thought of her new dark haired companion. He and his Charizard could do it so easily, it was like second nature for them. Half the time, she felt like they didn't even have to think about it. Meanwhile she was here, unable to do it even once. How vexing.

Taking a deep breath, Serena decided to get some air. Her Pokemon were sleeping peacefully (her tent sure had more room now that Bonnie didn't share, she thought sadly), so she crept quietly out the opening. After walking through the clearing a bit, she had finally gotten far enough away from Alain and the Pokemon that she didn't think she would wake them if she talked to herself.

Sitting down on the -- luckily dry -- grass, she put her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. It was a lame attempt to comfort herself and ease her mind, but nobody was around to judge her this time.

"Maybe I shouldn't have left Ash," Serena whispered to yourself. "I would've gotten over the fact that he had a girlfriend eventually. It would've been hard, yeah, but Bonnie and Shauna would've helped me. Misty probably feels like it's all her fault, too, and she doesn't deserve that."

It was true. Misty, while for a split second Serena had hated her with every fiber of her being, seemed like a perfectly nice girl. She was really cool, from the few hours Serena had spent with her. She was the gym leader of Cerulean City in Kanto -- she wasn't surprised at all that Ash's girlfriend was a powerful trainer, really. She felt like she should've guessed that, somehow. As a gym leader, she mainly trained water-type Pokemon, and genuinely seemed like an all around fun, energetic girl. While she had given off a more tomboy-ish feel, she seemed genuinely interested in Serena's performances and sewing abilities, which made er feel... Good? Maybe. She wasn't quite sure. What she was quite sure of, however...

She and Ash were so perfect for each other.

Serena felt tears gather at the back of her throat, but she didn't want to cry. She'd already done so much crying over this. Pushing the sockets of her eyes into her knees, she tried to make this feeling go away.

Really, she should be happy for Ash, and for herself, she thought. Ash had found a girl that he loved that loved him back, and he was happy. That's what really mattered to Serena, or what she wanted to matter, anyway. And she herself...

Serena was trying to find herself. That's what a journey was all about, wasn't it? Trying to figure oneself out alongside whatever Pokemon you pick up along the way.

This whole time, she thought she'd understood herself rather well. Performing was something that really spoke to her. It was something she loved. And now, not only was she still chasing that dream, but she was also trying to save someone's sick Pokemon.

"I should be happy," she whispered aloud. And she really should be.

Her thoughts turned back to Ampharos and how she couldn't Mega Evolve, and Serena had to press her face even harder into her knees to get the tears to go away this time.

"Maybe I'm not cut out for this."

"Sure you are."

Serena jumped, hearing Alain's voice come from behind her. After she collected yourself, she rubbed her eyes furiously with the back of her arm to get any and all trace of tears off of her face. After she was sure it didn't look like she'd been that upset, she squinted up at him, trying to make out her companion in the dark.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" She asked, forcing herself to sound normal.

He sat down a foot or so away, but didn't look at her. "When I first got my Mega Stone, I couldn't get Charizard to evolve, either," he confessed, sounding almost wistful.

Serena's eyes went wide. But the two of them were so in sync! All the time!

"It was because I was trying to do it only for myself, and not for Charizard, too." This time, his eyes found hers immediately. She wanted to look away, but something made her hold his gaze. "Don't think so much about it, Serena."

He lifted himself onto his feet again, and turned around, ready to leave. Serena's eyes watched his form the entire time -- the way he lifted himself up so carelessly, the easy movement of his feet when he repositioned himself -- and for a few moments, he didn't move.

Before he did, however, he lazily raised his arm, placing his hand on top of her hair. He rested it there for a moment, gave her hair a quick ruffle, and just as quickly as he had came, he left.

Serena felt her face heat up, wondering if it could be seen through the darkness. Maybe she was okay right where she was.