weekly write up 7/7/2024

[trainerlyra]

wow i feel like garbage LOL let's do it

monday: honestly, i barely remember anything about monday haha. i did get some cool mail, however:

been wanting these bad boys for quite awhile! should i be buying things while unemployed, maybe not, but it's fine they weren't expensive. i know i wrote, i know i played more KH - i got through alice in wonderland and beat the boss after quite awhile LOL i hate that thing. kh is stupidly hard for me... but that's all i really remember? oh, besides more of the trc reread. i got through half of outo, which i barely remembered, so that was fun! kurofai is still a great ship, and obvs syaosaku in any way is my beloved. plus, outo has seishirou! pining seishirou! what fun. it's also the start of camp nanowrimo, and i'm (stupidly, perhaps,) going for the 50k again like i did last year. but hey, if i could do it last year, i can do it this year too! 

tuesday: i had therapy, and it was an oddly exhausting session. i'm not really quite sure why? being honest i don't. remember much. i should probably start doing these as daily write ups on my phone and just copy/pasting lol.......... my memory isn't so great for my days recently. it's a bit concerning, but i think that's just the trauma shrug emoji. anyways, bc i was too exhausted and didn't have much in the way of easy food (that wasn't for the 4th, anyways) i ended up ordering sushi bc i had a coupon on uber eats lmao:

it was delicious, also. i got a taro milk tea with it too, which is always nice. lately i've been not feeling great with my stomach, but i wasn't too nauseous that afternoon, which is good. i... once again remember very little about the day overall. i think i mostly wrote and read? it was xxxholic day on my reread. oh right i also finally sat down and started binging nukume dori. i was going slowly through it bc it was making me feel too many things but i ended up binging through quite a bit of it after a certain point. also, the meal i cooked for kyle at 2:30 in the morning came out really well i think:

oh right that was the other thing. i've been doing graphic design for kyle's paintball field for some time now, and they had me do a poster ad for their upcoming event at the end of the month. the styles they want are always so old school and not very fancy, so it never takes me long, the longest part is honestly finding royalty free assets lmfao. anyways, that made us an extra $150, so that's cool! i feel bad taking money from the field when they so badly need it, but i am not in a position to refuse for the time being... when i have a full time job again, though, i'll start doing it for free again. the field means a lot to kyle and i'm happy to help them out. not like i'm a professional at graphic design, anyways, just a loser who started editing amvs in elementary school where graphic design is something you learn pretty quick lol.

wednesday: more kh! i got through almost all of olympus, just need to beat cerebus which i am absolutely atrocious at! i kept dying one million times!!! lmfao fuck kh bosses, man, it's been like 20 years since i started playing these games and i'm STILL shit at them... ah well. i did also manage to shower, which is good. showers have been. very difficult lately. it's so strange, i'm not even sure what triggered it. i think it's half that it feels too much like i'm taking care of myself, and half that being naked scares me. and THAT'S half because of the resurgence of my eating disorder that i am trying and failing to prevent and half because of the sexual trauma. which is stupid. sometimes i really wonder how much of that trauma i built up in my head... which is also stupid. i was 12 and literally didn't know what sex was. of course i could not consent - i didn't even know what i was consenting TO, i just didn't want to be left alone, so i agreed to anything... anyways. that's off topic. did my writing, also posted my first july break bingo fic, which is of course seisub. canon, angsty, sakurazukamori subaru seisub. oh, and zzz release! at like 1am. so i played for a bit, and ended up really liking it. i was very excited about it, haha. oh, and my bubbles shoes arrived:

wish someone had told me earlier they ship internationally!? what the fuck y'all i was gonna spend like $100 on depop for these fucking things... speaking of buying, the clamp exhibit really got into full swing starting here. i..... listen, i already preordered the seisub plush and the eyeglasses wipe, but i know proxy pickups aren't guaranteed, so i have been NONSTOP stalking jp mercari since opening...... i bought an extra set of the seisub plush just in case LOL i know i'm bad it's fine we're good. i just couldn't NOT. i want so many other things but they did just announce they'll be doing online sales post event, so...

thursday: by far the highlight of my week! i do not care about the 4th of july at all whatsoever, but it is a holiday which means its one of the rare occasions all of my friends are free at the same time! well, almost all - will was out in PA visiting his college friends. but that's okay! we still had jason, kai, matt, quinn, and jorie over for the majority of the day. i made a lot of food for everyone, which was a lot of fun - pasta salad and this really delicious nacho dip. everyone devoured my food which always feels really good, haha. my friend matt also brought tiramisu! i was so excited i love tiramisu. so excited i forgot to get a pic lol. it was also my first time seeing j in like, two weeks, since he'd been in scotland. i was so happy to see him :') he always gives me the biggest hugs and picks me up when he sees me lately. i truly love him with my whole heart and am so glad to have him as my best friend. tho as we always say it's more like he's my little brother haha. we had a blast just hanging out for awhile. quinn, kyle, and jorie went out to the porch while me, j, kai, and matt caught up, which was perfect and exactly how i like it. i like quinn and jorie, but we don't have the 10+ years of history i have with my boys haha. i, regrettably, had to explain omegaverse to them, which was quite possibly the funniest conversation of my entire life LOL. OH and i got to wear my new earrings, i'm so obsessed with them:

anyways! j brought some games with him which were both really fun - first up we played cryptid, a cool deduction board game. 

he also brought avalon, which is king arthur flavored mafia. i LOVE social deduction games, so i was psyched. we all went out to the porch as it was getting dark out to play. first round i was merlin, and my idiot husband accidentally outed me to the servants of morgan le fay, bc he. forgot merlin was a character LOL.it was SO funny. he thought i was evil so near the end of the round, he goes "read to me your card". obviously i didn't want to say i was fucking merlin and get killed so i kinda flubbed and said king arthur's servant but because i'd never played avalon before i did not know what the exact wording was BAHAHAHAHA which meant i was dead. the second round, my idiot husband was a servant of evil, and at the last round ended up realizing he shouldn't be passing to jorie because the last successful mission we had was with jorie/quinn/jason/me. and convinced us to skip his turn not realizing we'd win next.... it was SO funny how both times he ended up being the reason his team lost. we also played a few rounds of quiplash which was fun too, since everyone in my friend group loves to make fun of each other as much as possible lol. jorie and quinn ended up heading out by like 10, but jason & matt stayed until like 1am, and kai ended up staying over since he had a tattoo in cambridge (at the place i go lol, i rec'd him for his last one and he liked them a lot! which, like, same buddy), and we're a lottttt closer lol. it was really really good to see everyone, though. i genuinely love my friends so much. jason and i have been best friends since i was THIRTEEN, that's so fucking crazy. i turn 28 in two months. i mean, it's also wild that kyle and i have been together since i was fifteen and he's been my whole ass husband for almost four years, but idk. i really love him so much haha. and kai too, i hadn't seen him in quite a while - i think it had been since jason's bday in february? wack. matt, obvs, ofc too. i love him dearly. we've always been close, i mean we even dated briefly when we were thirteen lmao. but yeah i just. really love my friends, y'all. so yeah, by far the highlight of my night. it was such a blast and i'm so, so grateful. it was SORELY needed. kyle was so happy, too, which was really nice to see. he's been really trying to hold it all together for me since i've been so... Not Okay, and it was good for him to get a break.

friday: speed editing time! put together a friend's birthday mep since my other friend was having a lot of trouble irl and couldn't find the time to host properly. i was happy to do it. my first (and maybe only?) time editing hypmic, since my friend loves samaichi. which like, taste, i too like them and am a full samatoki stan, but i just don't think about hypmic that much haha. anyways, when kyle got home, we went out to panera to see if the gift cards i'd found sitting in my desk had money on them still. it was so humid though that i couldn't dress up the way i wanted lol, but i DID get to wear my new band shirt out:

yes, my shoes are mismatched, i think we've been over this, lmfao. anyways, verdict was indeed we had money on the panera one! so i got a free delicious dinner: 

SO glad they offer this salad without chicken now. i fucking love fruit in normal salads. yum. SO good. and refreshing, after the food i was eating on the 4th lol. most of friday, when not writing or editing, was spent playing zzz haha. i REALLY like this game, y'all. i absolutely adore the combat, and the characters and story so far have been fun. it's nice that these aren't really silent protags, but actual characters!! who interact as siblings! that i maybe ship but that's besides the point. i also continued my trc reread since i had to skip thursday, which was good! i am still curious to see if trc will grip me more then it did when i first read it like 8 years ago. yes, i was very late to trc, it's a long story. i just loved syaosaku so much in middle school that when i saw they were Going Through It in trc (at the same time i was in the angsty sasusaku times), i felt very betrayed and refused to read it HAHA. plus i was always an xxxholic girlie, while my friend was a trc girlie (this is the friend who coincidentally started dating jason last year after she and i hadn't seen each other in a decade LMAO), so there was also a funny rivalry between us because of that.

saturday: groceries day! thank god lol. we were so wiped. kyle went to the paintball field to film promo stuff for the event, so i played a lot of zzz and did some more writing! and editing, did a lot of that too. and reading! i love xxxholic with all my heart it's truly still one of my favorite series ever. it's just so. weh. we're getting into the kohane stuff, and also the dreams with yuuko, and i just. goddddddddddd. i love. love love love. when kyle got home, he mostly worked on editing the video, which i was happy to help with where i could. in the end i ended up suggesting some stuff that worked really well for him, which i was happy about. the orv anime was announced, and i am. extremely upset over it. but i think i have ranted to enough people about it HAHA i think i just need to reread orv again and it'll fix me. 

sunday: and here we are... i had work at my part time job today, which meant i got to see my dad! it is also tanabata, so i uploaded a seisub amv & a fic for the occasion lol. at around 10 for some reason i started reading joongdok socmed aus though, since i don't use twitter anymore there were a metric fuckton that i had never seen, and i just.... never stopped reading....for the rest of the day....... in the uber on the way home i got very physically ill  unfortunately, so once i got home i just.... kept reading them...........kyle was so sweet and made me watermelon juice from the other half of the watermelon from the 4th, and also gave me a leg massage while i was reading lmao.........but i really read basically from 10am to 12:30am straight today............... which is. well. let's not talk about it :) i realized i was having a bad brain time and just kept reading.........haha i really am just like you kim dokja............ anyways. now we're here! i still feel AWFUL, i feel like i am going to throw up and there's so much pressure on my stomach, i am so fucking sick of this lmao but i can't say i'm surprised.... at least i can assume now that it's probably related to the EDS instead of being yet another mystery illness, but still. i'm so tired of being sick, yall. i hate it. anyways, i managed to stop reading get some water set my desk back up and write this, so! that's good. 

last week's goals? failed every single one of them LMFAO moving on

hopes for next week:

• clean desk!!!!!
• try to survive kyle going away on his trip
• finish two bingo fics